HarlenAss Racing

Well the last week has been busy with all the phone calls and E-mails being sent various prestigous car manufacturers. I have a need of a fast ride for the up coming Rolex Grand Am Sports car series kicking off soon. I have gotten replies from 5 European makers, 4 Domestic, 1 Asian. All are willing to see me drive and offer a season long contract. American manufacturers all have expressed a full turn key race operation.
Car, chassis, technical team, including parts and tires for the season....Nice. Over the last four days each has provided me with a full day of tracktime at Indy to thrash each respective machine. All were well prepared and were savage whips.

The Germans; they wanted to rob me blind. RUF folks asked me to put up $300,000+ usd; just so I could get behind the wheel of one of their precious little race cars. Hmph. Audi about the same. The only folks ready to help me out were the gear heads at the BMW factory M studio. They said if I would provide a M3 car they would work their magic and provide me a race car worthy of their name. All cost for a seasons operation were at their expense.

Before departing Europe and crossing the ol pond as they say; I had an arranged visit with me English cousins. They rolled out the proverbial Royal Red Carpet. A Gulf Stream was dispatched to picked me up a delivered me to the UK. I was to meet all the Company men and technicians involved with the venerable Aston Martin Co. All the smartly dress company reps escorted me onto the factory floor we toured the assembly areas and then the labs. We finally gathered into one of larger labs and they asked if I was ready to see their creation....Sure I replied. Somewhere out of sight of me a V10 engine lights off... a couple blips of throttle clears her throat. She is happily babbling as she is brought up to temp. Then the engine begins to HOWL.... up and down the rpms... beautiful sounds reverberate from within these hallowed halls. The car is brought into view and nears the gathering of VIPS.

They ask me to greet the unknown driver within. As I open the door; a beautiful long legged young lassie is waiting within. The Royal Duchess herself "Kate". She turns to me with a wink and a smile and turns off the snarling beast. She swings her legs into my full view as she comes to her feet. What a site. Kate states that "all of England is putting forth their very best efforts to bring me into their fold". I must say impressive. Kate cozies up to me and informs me she is my escort to bubbly and a reception in my honor. Drivers from across the UK came; F1 names like Jenson Button, Lewis Hamilton, David Coulthard and WTC champ David Priaulx all expressed their interests in me driving for their country and Queen. As the bubbily flowed so did the food, dance and tall tails.

The following days were spent with technicians setting the car to my liking. With all preparations complete we rolled the car the onto Silverstone's
racing tarmac. I eased out the clutch and set out onto the track proper; exiting the pit I added some thrust running through the first three gears.
Speed quickly exceeds 180 Kpm, I tossed it into the the fast right/left esses followed by another set. She is smooth and stable, the esses have lead me onto a long straight where I bury my foot to the floor. She never hesitates or complains as the power whoooshes me to 270 kpm.
Power from this sexy beauty comes easily and linearly, she's a dream to drive fast. Never did she falter; times just kept getting faster and faster throughout the day of testing.

The Duchess called me recently and stated she would be in attendance of my weekly races all season long. Needless to say the Duchess has left me quite an impression of my UK brothern.

I might just go ahead and ink the deal.......Pip Pip Cherrio.....Sir HarlenAss II

I hate to break it to you buddy, but you know she's married right? To a prince.

It's a great sales pitch on their part though

I guess playing hard to get has its benefits! Ill have to ask for the "Harlen" treatment next time.